The Sunday Project
How We Sell Ourselves
Sixth Sunday in Ordinary Time |
By Patrick Weston
If you will, you can keep the commandments, and to act faithfully is a matter of your own choice. He has placed before you fire and water: stretch out your hand for whichever you wish. Before a man are life and death, and whichever he chooses will be given to him. For great is the wisdom of the Lord; he is mighty in power and sees everything; his eyes are on those who fear him, and he knows every deed of man. He has not commanded any one to be ungodly, and he has not given any one permission to sin.
Yet among the mature we do impart wisdom, although it is not a wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are doomed to pass away. But we impart a secret and hidden wisdom of God, which God decreed before the ages for our glorification. None of the rulers of this age understood this; for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. But, as it is written, "What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him," God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.
"Think not that I have come to abolish the law and the prophets; I have come not to abolish them but to fulfil them. For truly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the law until all is accomplished. Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but he who does them and teaches them shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. "You have heard that it was said to the men of old, `You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.' But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, `You fool!' shall be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison; truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny. "You have heard that it was said, `You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. "It was also said, `Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. "Again you have heard that it was said to the men of old, `You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.' But I say to you, Do not swear at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply `Yes' or `No'; anything more than this comes from evil.
Growing up, I never fully realized I was gay. I was self-aware enough to feel conflict and an inner stirring because I knew I was gay, but I also thought it was something that was wrong with me that I could overcome. As a result, I felt a lot of shame. I was afraid that if others discovered who I truly was, would they still love me?
In order to guard against this, I hid behind walls of perfection: I tried to excel in school, I tried to get everyone to like me, and I tried to be the best Catholic boy I could. However, presenting myself this way to distract folks from getting close enough to me to truly know all of me was just a disingenuous defense mechanism.
I think we’ve all had similar experiences in different areas of our lives. It’s natural to want to present ourselves in a positive light to become more desirable to others. We might oversell our accomplishments when applying for a job, or we might include not-quite-true details about ourselves on dating profiles. In fact, my boyfriend and I first started talking via Instagram DM after we both told half truths about reading a somewhat academic statistics book.
The Gospel today talks about how these sorts of half truths can lead to not-so-great situations in our lives. Jesus gives many examples about how powerful our intent can be. As an example, He confirms that murder is bad, but deepens His preaching to also point out that anger in one’s heart is also not good:
“You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, you shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment. But I say to you, whoever is angry with their brother will be liable to judgment.
Jesus doesn’t liken murder and anger them to be the same, but shows neither are how Christians should behave. It’s not just what’s publicly visible that makes something sinful, but rather it’s our meaning behind our actions.
The message being made here is that we should live our lives in a way that is congruent with all of ourselves. We should be truthful and honest, even in situations where that is not easy, rather than putting up appearances to appease others. We don’t have a duty to spill all of our thoughts, but when we do interact with others, we should do so in a way that is honest. As the Gospel says:
Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,' and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’
Before coming out, I let fear drive and guide my life. I wasn’t living honestly and authentically. As a result, I couldn’t let God in to be the person I was truly made to be. When we live our lives in the way Jesus teaches — truthfully, honestly, and congruently — we become the versions of ourselves that we were divinely created to be. We free ourselves of the pressure to fine tune our narrative in the mind’s of others and open up space for God to work in our lives.
While my half-truth did lead to an eventual first date with my boyfriend, that success was only temporary. It wasn’t something a true relationship could be built upon. Being honest about our true selves has been key to sustaining and continuing it.
What areas of your life can you add some authenticity?